Jesus wept

Photo by Matt Powell, photographer, Samaritan's Purse

Running a 150 bed ICU with a skeleton crew, in the dirt, under tarps, in blistering temperatures. Starting two intraosseous lines and one intravenouss line in the same infant. Prepping a fresh corpse. Setting up cots for a steady stream of critically ill patients arriving one right after the other. Working  without understanding the language. Watching as patients repeatedly fill the basins strategically placed under their beds with rice water. These are daily realities.
To say this work is demanding is an understatement. Most of us push through our shift, not thinking about the reality of the challenges and conditions before us.
We seem to take turns letting down our guard and feeling the impact of what we are living through.
When that happens, we cry together. Like when Lazarus died. Jesus wept. But not when He heard the news of his death; He wept when he witnessed Mary's grief.
I ate breakfast this morning with Dr. Tom Wood, staff epidemiologist with Samaritan's Purse. He was on the team that developed oral rehydration solution in 1963 while stationed in the Philippines with the Navy. His team developed ORS for the annual outbreaks of El Toro, the same strain of cholera attacking Haiti. He told me this morning according to the UN,  an acceptable mortality rate in a Cholera Treatment Center is 5%. He then told me that our mortality rate is 0.7%. 
This could only be possible with God! 
So, we are Jesus to each other and we remember that He has won the battle.

I will help you find your way through the night

Here in Haiti with Samaritan's Purse we are fighting a battle. Our visible enemy is irascible, extremely irritable, wrathful, hot tempered, quick to strike. The enemy is cholera. The route of the word "choleric", meaning "easily angered, hot tempered". It is volatile and violent. It attacks swiftly, does its damage and moves on.
We fight another battle against a hidden enemy. The enemy of overwhelming inadequacy, fear and discouragement.
Yesterday when I was exhausted after a 13 hour night shift, I was emotionally and spiritually spent. I went to sleep listening to a movie soundtrack containing a song which contains the following lyrics:

When you are a soldier I will be your shield
I will go with you into the battlefield
And when the arrows start to fly
Take my hand and hold on tight
I will be your shield, 'cause I know how it feels
When you are a soldier

When you're tired from running
I will cheer you on
Look beside you and you'll see you're not alone
And when your strength is all but gone
I'll carry you until you're strong
And I will be your shield 'cause I know how it feels
When you're a soldier

I will be the one you can cry your songs to
My eyes will share your tears

And when you are a soldier

And the enemy is closing in
I will fight with you until the end

When you're lost in darkness I will hold the light
I will help you find your way through the night
I'll remind you of the truth
And keep the flame alive in you
And I will be your shield
'Cause I know how it feels
When you are a soldier

I wept into my pillow when I heard this song. Even though I was mentally and physically exhausted, my spirit was refreshed by my loving Heavenly Father. The same loving Heavenly Father who cares for each one of the Haitians who have fallen ill with the dreaded cholera. That He would enter into our suffering to sustain and comfort us is humbling, to say the least.

I spent a few hours this morning getting my bearings at Samaritan's Purse Cholera Treatment Center in Bercy before  I return tonight for a long night shift. Bercy is a small community just north of our base. The CTC  now consists of 12 tents with 8 to 12 beds apiece. These beds are wooden cots with the requisite hole cut out of the middle, lined with the ubiquitous SP blue tarp. A basin sits strategically placed underneath. To say the conditions are rustic is an understatement. Even so, every precaution that can be taken is being carefully adhered to.
When we arrived this morning to relieve the night shift, all of whom were worn out, we had to quickly adjust our North American standards to third world (or fourth? fifth even?) survival mode. This adjustment can be difficult to say the least. 
The realization that not all will be saved doesn't sit well for some of us. If they get to us in time, if an IV can be started, if there are no underlying risk factors or complications, they have an excellent chance of returning home. Once they have ceased vomiting and are rehydrated enough to urinate, off they go to make room for the next stricken person. This morning I sent 6 people home. Their beds were immediately occupied.
And then there is the fear in their eyes. Will I get better? When? Will my family be spared? What if it comes back?
Only Jesus can speak to their fears. That is the primary reason we are here. At least that is why I am here. I am not an infectious disease specialist, epidemiologist, IV whiz, or public health expert. I know a bit of the language and have decent assessment skills. But more importantly, I know Jesus. He can save. He can heal. Heavenly Father, let me Jesus to these who suffer.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9

"For such a time as this"

I've been hearing the phrase, "for such a time as this" quite often lately. Do you ever have moments in your life when you can see that many things in your experience has prepared you for just this moment? Now is one of those moments for me. 


Who would know that a new nurse-midwife yanked from language school on the heels of a revolution to assist with trauma cases would one day return there to serve the people of Haiti in their fight against cholera?  Who would know that a nurse-midwife reluctantly thrown into international community health nursing and later trained to teach WASH principles would have the small opportunity to combat a deadly water-borne disease? 


Just received word that I leave Friday for Haiti as part of Samaritan's Purse's most recent response to the cholera crisis in Haiti. I will be working in their clinic in Cite Soleil, a slum in Port-au-Prince. I believe I will be working as a nurse, but could be working in several different roles.  


To say I am excited to go, is not quite accurate. That is not to say that I am reluctant or afraid. And yes, there is a bit of excitement as I think about the challenges that lie ahead. But mostly, I feel very humbled and sobered. That God would pluck me from my comfortable and privileged life here in the foothills of the Oregon Cascades and trust me to serve Him in this way fills me with awe.

For if you remain still at this time, relief and deliverance will arise for the Haitians from another place and you and your family's house will miss the blessing. And who knows whether you have not attained your present position for such a time as this?
 Esther 4:13-14, my personal paraphrase

But right here, right here for this time and place

You can live a mirror of His mercy

A forgiven image of grace

            Wayne Watson, “For Such a Time as This”

God is Gracious

Haiti is digging out of a quagmire of mud as a result of flooding following the narrow miss with Hurricane Tomas. God heard the cries of His people there and spared them a direct hit. Thank you Father. You are gracious. Now please spare them the ravages of a spreading cholera outbreak.


God is also gracious to our family in so many ways. David and I returned from a trip to Africa. He spent six weeks photographing for an evangelist, an adoption agency, a water ministry, a missionary vet and the small medical team I was a part of.


One of our sons has safely returned from Cambodia and Thailand where he served with YWAM on an outreach mission of  three months. He is now focusing on "friend" raising to return to YWAM on staff. His hope is to co-lead teams to Haiti within the coming year.


Our other son, a self-proclaimed "prodigal", has returned to the fold. Our family had a the sweet privilege of participating in his baptism with his small group at Calvary Chapel in his college town. God is so faithful!

For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6

So, what is "home", anyway?

I was just on Facebook reading a comment from a friend who grew up in Canada, now lives in Ethiopia, used to live in Rwanda and who worked with me in Haiti. Phew! Her grown children are in North America, and as a family, they are only occasionally all on the same continent, let alone, home.


Reminds me of the Uttley family this summer. David has been in Haiti again, Dominican Republic,  Vancouver, BC and home. Nate has been in Hawaii, Thailand and Cambodia. Josh has been away at school and work. I have been home and in New York helping my mother-in-law move to Florida.


I am preparing for a mission trip to Uganda in October and one to Haiti in January, with another possible trip or two to Haiti, and possibly one to Ethiopia thrown in there as well. And I haven't mentioned David's schedule of Uganda, Rwanda, Haiti, Haiti, and possibly, Haiti. Oh, and did I mention Bali and Nepal? Well, you get the idea.


When bringing my mom up to date about David's and my itineraries, she cracked a joke about how she could not keep up with all the coming and going. Me neither. 


What a season of transition it has been. A son launched into a life of full-time missions. A long-lost best friend re-entering my life. Local friends downsizing, moving out of the area, short-selling their houses (not so long ago I had never heard of a "short sale"), planning international relocations. A husband who is out of the country more than he is here. It has been challenging to keep my focus on what truly is my "home".


I am so thankful for solid friends who allow me into their worlds, even as those worlds are shifting. I am thankful for a mother who has been a living example to me of  the importance of putting my relationship with my husband above all others, even my own mother. I am thankful for sons who enjoy hanging out with their mom. I adore a life partner who has a heart for others and an eye for capturing their spirit in pictures.


So, what is "home"? For me, it is savoring the moments with loved ones and clearly recognizing that my true home is in the Lord Jesus Christ. The total acceptance and redeeming love He shows me over and over is the best sense of home I have ever, can ever, will ever experience. And sharing this sense of home with loved ones is the best!


Getting back to Haiti, which is what prompted me to start this blog in the first place, you may have noticed the shift in earthquake relief work to the need for transitional housing. This need for a solid roof and walls to call home is very real. At the same time, when asked what they lost in the earthquake, they almost always mention the family members they lost before they mention the loss of their house.


I'm definitely rambling here. I guess I am trying to say that although I have a roof over my own head, the shifting of everyone around me makes me think about what is really important here. It expands my heart and challenges my thinking. 

Back from traveling

It has been over a month since posting something to this blog. David returned from his second trip to Haiti since the earthquake and then the two of us had some much needed time together.
He was asked to photograph the launch of the Turkish "Fire Bible". While there, he also had the opportunity to film 17 testimonies given by Turkish believers which will be posted on their church's website. It took courage for them to be so transparent.
We were able to travel together for three weeks. It was just what we needed to reconnect with each other and clarify the vision God is giving us to encourage believers in other parts of the world. God is on the move and we want to be a part of it.
Speaking of which, Samaritan's Purse posted today part one of five videos featuring David's second trip to Haiti. Hope you enjoy it.
Return to Haiti

What are the Uttley's up to lately?

Michelle Obama and Jill Biden just made a surprise visit to earthquake ravaged Haiti, to draw attention to her plight now that international focus has shifted. Although it's been a long time since I've posted to this blog, our family is still invested in her recovery.
David just returned  a few days ago from a second trip to post-earthquake Haiti. It was not the grueling trip the first one was. From his point of view, sustainable relief efforts are coming together. He filmed and photographed Samaritan's Purse's current transitional housing project. He was also in front of the camera and I look forward to seeing the finished video which will be aired on the Samaritan's Purse website.
Additionally, he traveled around Cayes on Haiti's southern peninsula with childhood friend Dan Shoemaker, president of Reciprocal Ministries Internationa  (RMI). They rode out to the northern coast of Haiti's southern peninsula to explore the possibility of our home church partnering with a church in the coastal town of Pestel. An adventure on motorcycles; not for the faint of heart! Having ridden motorcyles since he was 10 years old many on Haitian roads, David was not stymied by the three flat tires which meant finishing the last leg of the journey in the dark.
He is finishing up video he shot for Homes for Haiti, a ministry of RMI. I strongly encourage you to check out their culturally sensitive approach to giving a hand to the displaced Haitians who need something substantial to get through the next few years as they reclaim and rebuild their lives. http://www.rminet.org/
When the earthquake hit, Nate was stirred to go to Haiti. He was able to accelerate his high school graduation, completing his requirements to finish in March. He applied and was accepted to YWAM's Call2All Discipleship Training School. A week ago, he left for YWAM training at the University of Nations in Kona, Hawaii. He hopes to eventually work with YWAM in Haiti, but for now, his first six months  with them will include an outreach to another location. 
Phew! I have been concentrating on supporting his efforts to follow God's leading.
While David was on this most recent trip to Haiti, I was able to share his photos and speak about Haiti on two separate occasions. Assembling David's photos and setting them to music, was not only a challenge for me, but also very moving.
Now, David and I are regrouping as we consider what the Lord has in store for us as a couple. He leaves again next week for three weeks in Turkey. As of this week, I get to go with him. We will have a chance to work together (I get to hold his microphone!), meet some other missionaries, and explore the area around Ephesus.